Day 104- the decision
This has got to have been the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I have agonised over it all weekend, changing my mind about every ten minutes. I woke up at about 2am on saturday morning and decided that I was going to adopt the “wait and see” approach, but of course then a couple of hours later – after lying staring at the ceiling for two hours – I had changed my mind again. I did however receive some words of wisdom from a friend yesterday (thanks Mel xx) that the decision I made in the wee small hours was probably what my heart was telling me to do.
I therefore let the oncologist know this morning that I did not want Liam to have to go through the localised radiotherapy, the risks just too high and the side effects too numerous. I would also like to wait for the opinions from the US and Australia – if they recommend radiotherapy then I will consider it, but we will monitor Liams progress as it is for now.
Now that I have made the decision I feel alot better as it has been a particularly rough time and I have probably never felt the loss of Matt more than I do at this moment as it is a decision we should have been making together.
I now await the “experts” opinions before progressing any further, and I can try and turn my mind back to studying all about the New Zealand Taxation system *yawn*.
Take care
Becs
August 4, 2008 @
Becs,
you are doing amazing things to wait and learn all you can to make the best decision for Laim that you can. Your friend is so right your heart will give you the best answer and we all know that your heart is difinitely the one to make that right choice, we also know that, that is where Mattie is too Babe
Hope you enjoyed your day a pampering!
We are all out here for all of you.
Love
T & S
August 4, 2008 @
Hey Becs
You continue to be an inspiration for us mortal mothers. Have faith that you have made the right decision – it must have been an agonising process. And be equally sure that Matt was with you along the way.
Kia Kaha
The Penny-Saunders Whanau
August 5, 2008 @
Hi Becman, thinking of you guys always….
James
xxxxxxx
August 5, 2008 @
Becs you are one awesome lady! Don’t ever forget that and you are not alone – you have hundreds of folks thinking and praying for you all every day. Matt would be so very proud of you Becs and trust in that fact that he IS with you, Liam and Ash every step of the way, he is watching over you all. We luv u guys and think of you always. Stay strong. Nic xx
August 5, 2008 @
Hi Rebecca
Have been thinking of you, and the terribly difficult decision you have been faced with. You have gone through the right process, and as a result you have made the right decision for Liam. Well done!!! We are with you every step of the way!
Love Robyn x x x x x
August 6, 2008 @
Hi Becs
Glad to hear that you have finally had a diagnosis and you have made a decision on Liam’s treatment. Even though we might not all make a comment every day – there is a community of friends and family who are keeping an eye on the progress and a thought in our hearts for you all.
Donna and Stan
xx
August 7, 2008 @
You have done it again Bec….made me cry! Cos you are so amazing at dealing with this situation you have found yourself in!
Ditto to Donna and Stans comment about how much we all care!
Sleep easy that you will always be the best person to make the best decisions for Liam! Matt must be so proud of you!
Kerry
August 7, 2008 @
We’ve never met, but I did read about you in the paper not too long ago and around 2 months ago, we were patients at Wellington Hospital and are now in Auckland.
Wow, you guys are such an inspiration and I cannot even begin to imagine how hard your journey is.
Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts!
Lea White (mum of Bianca)
http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com